Another "Casey's Green Bag" Dream

Brooke Burdge

May 24, 2010

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

Two Dreams of Casey: Green Bag & Her Protecting

Brooke Burdge

May 18, 2010

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

"Creepy" "Cow" and "Cinderella"

Brooke Burdge

March 6, 2010

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

AM New York Headline: Life After Death

I was walking from Fordham to my internship this morning. I always think about Casey when I'm just walking around New York alone, the city she loved and wanted to spend time in after school. Today, I was wearing a cardigan of Casey's that I now have because I remember seeing her wear it a lot around school. I hadn't worn it before today.

So, I pass by the subway entrance and, as always, there is a man in a red jacket passing out AM New Yorks- which automatically make my brain jump to Casey, as it did even before she died (Casey interned at amNewYork in the spring of 09'). The guy turned and on the back of his jacket was the cover of today's paper-- this was all as I was just walking by really fast on my way-- and the headline on the front jumped out at me "LIFE AFTER DEATH?" in big, bold contrast letters. I got a chill, even though it was already 30-ish degrees, but it was like a closer kind of chill not a wind chill. I get chills a lot when I think of Casey, I remember noticing this early on in the summer, even. I think it was a sign that she is here still in New York and she is okay.

I picked up a copy of the paper on my lunch hour- turns out it was promotional cover for some science fiction series. When I flipped open the front, this one sentence in the promo cover popped out at me and I read it first: ""This theory implies that a person could live on digitally after death." Maybe Casey was trying to communicate that she appreciates what people are doing with the websites made for her... because I often wonder how she would feel about everything that has been done to memorialize her online.

Brooke Burdge

January 22, 2010

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

Stream of Pink Light

During a nap, I had a strange dream about Casey. It was as if I was in a room of big TVs and one turned on and it was like flashes of images of things that related to her like one after another of different pictures of Casey with different people, and things I've done since July. At the end I saw her tree and it like "zoomed" up to see the Feldman house from an aerial view-- I guess how it looked when her friends and family went up in the cherry picker. Then the TV screen turned to black and white for a moment, then just pink covered the whole house, except for the door. Then, a stream of pink moved out from the tree into the street and up that hill and kept going. I didn't see Casey directly in the dream or hear her, but it seemed really symbolic.

Brooke Burdge

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

Date Nights in NYC

Casey always made sure to make time for all her friends, no matter how busy she was. Casey would dedicate certain nights to be a "date" night for us to hang out together. One night freshmen year, we just stayed in my apartment and made brownies and watched "In Her Shoes" with Cameron Diaz (Casey was excited because the movie took place in Philadelphia and she kept pointing out things she recognized).

I remember another night during junior year, we were supposed to meet up at 6pm or so to go get dinner. I always take naps that turn into long sleeps, so when I woke up at 7:30 I saw Casey called and texted. She came over and was a little upset, telling me she came and knocked and I told her I was just in a deep sleep and that I still wanted to have our date night. I remember her being a little upset that she thought I forgot about us hanging out that night. We finally left at 8pm to get dinner, thankful that restaurants in NY stay open late. I remember walking up and down Columbus Ave, Casey went up and read every menu and, knowing I was a picky eater, asked me if I was okay with each place. After walking forever, we finally settled at Pomodoro, a small Italian restaurant on Columbus Ave. I think this was in October or November, but it was one of those unseasonably warm days. We sat outside of the restaurant in the sidewalk tables, the only people doing that. If I weren't with Casey, I probably would've sat inside, but she always thought "Why not?" and did what seemed fun, no matter if no one else was doing it. I remember us looking and talking to every dog that passed by (something Casey always did) and having a "romantic" New York late dinner at 9pm together.

Our last date night was in April 2009, we wanted to have one more "romantic" date before finals got too hectic. Casey and I went to Blockheads for cheap Mexican food on 50th Street, but it was a 2-hour wait. We walked down 9th and decided on another, slightly more upscale restaurant called Ta Cocina. We each had a margarita and felt all grown-up and like real New Yorkers. We went to a Thai place next door after called Room Service and Casey and I sat near the glass window in the front. Some guy passing by saw us and changed direction and came inside, and tried talking to us. Apparently, he kept whispering to Casey that I was beautiful, but when I asked Casey what he was saying in front of him, Casey told me out loud, "He said he likes your nail polish." When he went up to the bar, we decided we had to make a run for it-- literally. Casey grabbed my arm and we sneaked out around the crowd and RAN for 4 blocks uptown to make sure we "escaped," and stopped completely out of breath and laughing about the crazy man we just encountered.

After, we went across the street to a bar called Vintage where I was waiting to meet a guy I had been seeing. Casey wanted to stick around so she could meet him. Once he finally arrived, I remember Casey saying "Hi, I'm Casey!" and giving me a nod of approval behind his back and then, within 3 minutes, saying something along the lines of "Well, I have to wake up really early, I really should go..." and she hugged me and ran out of the door. She didn't really have to wake up early, but she of course whipped out her BlackBerry on her walk home and send me BBM messages about what she thought of him.


In August, I went to New York to see Marie and we went for lunch at Pomodoro. We sat outside, like I did with Casey, and I noticed all the flowers on the tables were pink roses. I like to think that was Casey there, reminding me of our "date nights."

Brooke Burdge

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

The Weekend I Ran a Marathon (at least in Casey's mind)

Around January of last year, I told Casey I was going home for the weekend to run a 5K. She reacted with a ton of enthusiasm... "Oh my god!! That is awesome!! Have you been training? Good luck!!!" I remembered thinking, Wow, she is really overly excited, a 5K is not that big of a deal.

When I saw her on Tuesday the next week on the way to an Observer meeting, she came up to me "How was your 5K?? I told my parents you were running a marathon, and they were really surprised you hadn't been training but were impressed!!!"

I had to explain to Casey and lightly let her down. Casey- a 5K is around 3 miles. A marathon is 26 miles.

"Oh, so wait- they aren't the same thing?"


This was such a cute moment of Casey's optimism and support of her friends. I found it really sweet she was proud of my "marathon" and went home and told her parents. This picture is from a 15K I ran in Sept. 2009 under team name "Because of Casey" (it was a relay but I ran alone)... I thought of Casey in the race and touched my Casey bracelet when I started to slack. The race was doing a 5K, out and back on a boardwalk, 3 times. So each time I passed this one woman volunteer she would cheer "YOU GO PINK LADY. You got this, girl!!! WORK IT GIRL!!" and I could picture Casey looking down on me, laughing at this woman showing so much enthusiasm as Casey had done before, and being proud of me for running "three marathons."

My new goal is to run a marathon in 2010 for Casey, hopefully the NYC Marathon raising money for an animal shelter, and constantly reminding myself, "It's only a 5K."

Brooke Burdge

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

Trip to Boston to visit Callie- Oct. 2008

Callie transferred to BU our junior year, and Casey and I planned to visit her in early October of 2008. I remember so much of this trip, so this may be a long entry...

I remember sitting on Casey's bed booking our MegaBus tickets to Boston. We got to Penn Station early in the morning we were going, but Casey left her ticket at home so I looked up her confirmation number on my phone. She brought her green handbag with her on that trip. I had the window seat going up, and remember staring outside the window at Manhattan and the highway, all the way up through Connecticut to Massachusetts. Casey had one of my iPod headphones in her ear and I had the other, and her head on my shoulder, we both looked out the window at all the pretty fall leaves. We talked about how we miss seeing fall when we are in the city, and for a while we were both just quiet looking at how beautiful the leaves were.

As we were pulling into Boston, the song "Still Fly" by Big Tymers (a rapper) came on my iPod. Casey got so excited... "I love this song!" and made us listen to the whole thing. Now I think of her whenever it comes on my iPod. I saw somewhere else, on her Facebook, that she used to listen to this song a lot with some friends from home but I didn't know that then.

We spent the weekend with Callie exploring Boston and pretending we were Callie's "parents" visiting her, since it was parent weekend at BU. We took pictures in the Boston common, and we deemed that I was the male since I was taller than Casey. We decided one picture was our "engagement" picture, and the other was our "save the date." It was so cold up there already, and Casey, Callie, and I would nestle together for body heat waiting for the bus to take us from Callie's dorm to the main part of the city. On the bus, Casey took about 100 pictures of me, her, and Callie. I didn't like how I looked so I started to close my eyes in them. She showed me her camera and said, "Brooke, stop! You look like a normal girl. You have pretty hair and pretty white teeth." This comment has stood out to me because later that school year in April, I ran into Casey and her mom in the elevator at Fordham. One of the first things Dianne said to me then was "You have beautiful teeth! has anyone ever told you that?" and I said no at the time. But thinking back now, the only other person who did was Casey! Being observant must run in the family.

I recently went up to visit Callie again with Janine and Kelsey for Callie's birthday. Every site I saw and place we went, I remembered vividly being there with Casey last year, which was the last time I was in Boston. I could see the bench by the harbor we sat together on and remembered our conversation, I remembered our dinner in a restaurant I passed by. As Callie and I waited in a long line for cannolis at a bake shop, I remember Casey being right there with us last year, trying to figure out why these MIT kids were dressed as Ghostbusters so early in October (it was around the 8th). But most of all, I thought of Casey on that long bus ride... and I felt Casey's head on my shoulder as I looked at the changing fall leaves.

To view photos from Casey's trip to Boston with Brooke to visit Callie click here. Or, read Callie's memory from this trip, "Visit to BU - Fall 08'".]

Brooke Burdge

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

Visit to BU - Fall 08'

After I transferred to Boston University, Casey and Brooke were the first of my Fordham friends to visit me. They came down during freshmen parent's weekend, so we were joking the whole time about how they were my "parents." The first picture is us at Boston Commons.

I have always gone to school far away from my family so my friends at school became my "urban family." My first semester at BU was bittersweet because I missed my friends at Fordham so much. Casey really made my time at BU easier because she always put such effort into staying in touch and making sure I knew what was happening over at FCLC.

[Note:To read Brooke's memory of the trip to Boston with Casey click here . To view the photos from this trip, go to Casey's Facebook Downloads, Fall 08', or click here .

Callie Fisher

Callie Fisher

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.

Observer E-mail Memories

Brooke Burdge

Brooke Burdge

Copyrights for materials on CaseyFeldman.com are retained by the original creators, unless otherwise noted.